Meh....

Who holds the holder...

I've titled this one the biggest lie I've never told...

(Bad British Accent)
Picture a warm, sunny central California Valentine's Day. I was driving with my sweetie at the time (yes ladies, I'm single). I had planned a nice romantic dinner at the Red Lobster (love the biscuits). I had picked up... we'll call her Jen (that was her name) and was headed to Stockton Ca where the said sexy interlude was to take place. I had decided to take a scenic route, mostly due to traffic conditions on the 5.

As drove through the rolling plains of Lodi California, we would have to pass through a semi-industrial type area. As we drove, she kept trying to guess what the surprise was. And asking questions about it. "What is it??", "Where are we going??". I just smiled and giggled (giggle). "It's a surprise" I replied and gave her a wink. (It's me, it's what I do). Growing tired of trying break my iron will, she turned back to the window and just smiled, that smiled she had when she knew what was up and where were headed to The Red Lobster.

We continued along the road. The way I had chosen (completely by coincidence) lead us past an old white warehouse. It had been abandoned for years, kids played paintball in it. It was also featured in the classic film Karate Cop. As we neared the warehouse, I notice that someone had spray painted something alone the ENTIRE side of the building. I looked over at Jen, she was still in pre Lobster bliss and was looking out her window.

Now picture this giant white building and along the entire side someone (not I) had spray painted in huge red letters... "I HEART JEN" (they didn't spell out heart, they painted a heart). And as we neared it, I giggled (again) and pointed at it and said to my Jen, "Look".

Well she turned, and after a moment her eyes focused on the huge red lettering.....

"OH MY GOD!!".... "THAT"S AWESOME"... "THAT"S THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!" "I LOVE YOU!" .. . (she thought that, that was the surprise and that I had done that for her.... awkward! So how did I responded... what was the door I opened....

... I smiled and said "I love you too".... needless to say had hot sex that valentines day....

And one to rule them all...

So I have this ring, it was a Christmas present from an ex-girlfriend. It's the only piece of jewelry I've ever worn for more than week.

I still wear it because I honestly like it, it's titanium and a pretty bad ass piece of hand fancy-ness. Tonight while I was washing dishes, it slipped off. I put it back on and finished my dishes (yeah all 3 of them, I had saved up all week).

But here's the question I asked myself. Is it time to not wear the ring? Is this the universe's way of saying your done with that part of your past, your ready to move on, your finally ready to live for yourself and whatever possibilities lie ahead?

... or does it just not fit anymore? Oh Universe, you slutty little temptress!!!

P.S. I'm gonna duct tape it for now..... LOOPHOLE.

I wonder....

If you did a comparison against how far we as a people have (in general) turned away from God (and organized religion) and the amount of new "mental disorders" we have now a days, what you would find?

With the amount of commercials I see advertising depression meds or anxiety meds or how many people we know who have/had gone to see therapists (no offense).... just makes me think..

that and I have way too much free time in my life and no purpose....

Now I've started this blog I can't stop,

I feel that I can honestly say that I can't see myself changing in LA, that in 5 years I'd still be here, still working a job that pays me money, and nothing else.....but what about my dreams of being an actor? Not that I've done anything in the last 4 years or EVEN attempted to do so. FUCK... I need to make some major and permanent changes in my life and soon.

Whats the point of living in a town that you have grown to despise in the last decade? What's the point of trying to do something, that you really love (or at least used to) if you have no desire to do it where you are,or hell maybe even at all because .... well because you've seen the wizard, you've seen behind the curtain, and it's not that it's pretty cause believe me one thing this town has got is pretty. It's just not what you want to be a part of.

I'm pissy!

I get really tired of "experts" not even seeming to give any idea/thought/concern (even from someone who has lived with his body and the rare disease for 38 years) a second thought. Especially for a rare disease that not much is known about in the first place!

From the research I have done blood pressure CAN AFFECT the eyes. ESPECIALLY THE RETINAS, so in mind if a medication is designed to affect the blood pressure, it could in the rare instance (like CHM) affect the eyes. ESPECIALLY the retinas which in the case of CHMers are already damaged!!!

It's frustrating to not even get a "maybe" or at least a honest "not enough research has been done on that yet"

I'm already out..........

Better Man

The main problem I see with being the better man, the bigger person, making "the right choice", doing the right thing, holding your tongue, "not going there"....

Is, most of the time, you're the only one who knows you did it.